Thoughts on communication

Mother,

Right now in my Family Foundations class we are discussing marriage and the importance of communication. For a homework assignment, I'm suppose to email a woman of importance in my life who I believe has good communication in their marriage. Seeing as you're my mother and very important to me and an example to me could you email me back some Key Principles you believe have helped in having good communication in your marriage with daddy. I would like to finish the homework assignment by tonight so I don't have to worry about it this weekend while everyone is coming down, so if you could email me back sometime today that would be good. It's due next Tuesday but I'm trying to stay ahead in that class.

Thank you, and I love you,

I'll see you tomorrow!

Hannah

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Two or three thoughts come to mind.

First of all, I'm often surprised when the wife acts as if she has to hide something from her husband because she might get in trouble. I remember one instance when a friend got a speeding ticket coming through Midvale and she was trying to figure how to either get it taken care of without her husband knowing, or how to tell him so that he wouldn't be mad. I can't imagine that he would have been worried about "getting in trouble". Marriage is a partnership, not a father daughter type relationship. On the other hand, with the 2-3 speeding tickets I got as a teenager, I was never afraid to tell my father, so maybe that helped in the marriage situation.

I once read, in the Reader's Digest, that there are 3 things everyday that should be left UNSAID. I absolutely believe that to be true. We don't have to say every little petty thing that comes into our head. It's about self-control. Hurtful or sarcastic things should be left unsaid.

I used to teach my Laurels that it really doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong in an argument, what matters is the eternal relationship. Don't hesitate to be first to apologize. And don't give a "non-apology:--I'm sorry that you reacted, or I'm sorry that you feel that way. Don't turn the apology around on the other person, take the blame. "I'm sorry that I spoke unkindly, I'm sorry that I was thoughtless", etc. Own it.

As females, we often read more into something a guy says or doesn't say. Men aren't that complex. Take what they say at face value. What he says is probably what he means. And don't expect him to read deeper meaning into what you say. He's not a mind reader. He doesn't have a crystal ball. And we can teach them that sometimes we just want someone to listen, not try to solve what ever it is that's bugging us. Daddy used to give me all kinds of solutions. Now he's pretty good at listening and waiting for advice, should I decide to ask for it.

Those are the first things that pop into my head. Let me know if you need more.

See you tomorrow.

Mom

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Thank you!

Hannah